Since I got married, I didn’t just marry the man I will spend the rest of my life with, my ultimate bestfriend, my ministry partner, my travel and food buddy.. I also found my personal photographer haha! Every event we go to always has that photoshoot session and when I start striking a pose with my friends (or just by myself), he already knows what to do! Most of the time, he takes great shots too! Gotta give props to this guy sitting on the rock!
So, over the weekend, while waiting for a couple we were ministering to, I asked him to take some photos of me writing for this new blog.. and the good man did!
I wasn’t able to check the photos till we got home and when I saw it I told him things like “Oh it’s so dark.. the lighting’s not good… you shouldn’t have zoomed it in… I told you it’s against the light..” In the middle of all that, I noticed his voice defensively telling me it’s good and that it has a certain look to it. But there I was, really not convinced and just negating what he was saying.. then he started raising his voice and I started to raise mine saying why can’t he just accept it’s not good? He said more stuff that I can’t really remember now but I just stopped talking. After that, he went to the room to change and I stayed outside for a while, tinkering with my phone.
An hour passed by and we weren’t talking but while I was brushing my teeth the Holy Spirit was tugging my heart with a gentle whisper, “He was doing his best. Don’t you appreciate his effort?” I KNEW I had to apologize.. but I wasn’t ready yet! I don’t feel like it. Why will he get so irked by something so small like that? After all, I was just trying to tell him the truth.
But what can I do? God’s voice was louder than mine. So I prayed for the guts and the grace to say sorry and for God to help me say what I have to say and for Secho to accept my apology & not to shoo me away (he has never done that though haha!).
He was already in bed so I sat beside him and said “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to talk to you in a better way. I know you did your best, maybe if we had more time it would be better. But I appreciate what you did. Can you forgive me?” The moment I said that, I felt peace. I kissed him and he said “You’re forgiven, Love”.
In marriage, being truthful is very important but the key is to always say it with love and do it because of love.
“Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church” Ephesians 4:15 (NLT)
When I did a heart check, initially, my motive for correcting my husband was because I was in sheer disappointment on how the photos turned out and that definitely showed the moment I opened my mouth.
When we speak the truth, when we correct or rebuke someone, we do it not to prove ourselves right or to show that we are better. We don’t do it because we’re upset or annoyed or angry. We do it because we love that person and we want that person to improve and be better.
Another reminder for me is that the only thing that makes an apology such a struggle is pride. Sure, often times we don’t feel like saying sorry, some for valid reasons and mostly just for selfish ones. But here’s where what I call “Motion over Emotion” comes into play.
We say it, we do it and our heart follows –not the other way around. A famous creed that a lot of people embrace is “Follow your Heart!” I too lived with that and it surely led me to a lot of trouble. I guess that’s why Jeremiah said,
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV)
How can we follow a heart so deceitful?
Think about it, when Jesus was nailed on the cross, I’m almost sure that he didn’t “feel” like it. I don’t think anyone will be in the “mood” to go through that kind of suffering for someone like me. But He did it because He loves His Father and because He loves us. Jesus has a perfect heart and I’m sure it has always been his desire to save us –no matter what the mood is. And I’m so glad he did it or I don’t know where I would be!